the script was for a local classic rock cover band called radio cult. they're a pretty dope band and they perform really well. anyways, they've been wanting to put out a comic book for a while and i ended up being one of the people they asked to contribute. now here it is, april 14th and i just finished the script yesterday. well, since i haven't learned how to keep my personal business off of twitter, here is the script in all of its first-drafty glory. enjoy!
Radio Cult: Year Negative One
by Niles Gray
scene 1: Radio Cultured
we're seeing the band in a corner booth at a fancy shmancy restaurant. there are tapestries hanging from the walls, dim lighting, candles at every table; all in all, very classy. they're looking at the menus and marvelling over how expensive and foreign everything is. clearly their red and black stripes don't match the decor.
ricky: wow.
ruff: i know.
bambi: i can't even pronounce this one.
jay jay (arms folded asleep, opening his sleepy eyes for the first time): it's "jarret d'agneau braise."
bambi (staring bewildered): .....
jay jay (eyes closed again, as he drifts back to sleep): it's lamb shanks slow roasted in herbs and vegetables.
he explains the dish and it ingredients, trailing off as he lets sleep drift over him once again.
the waiter comes to take their order, decked in a starched-to-wrinkle-free-oblivion tuxedo, looking like somebody drew a snooty mustache on an aristocratic penguin.
waiter: good evening, lady and gentlemen and welcome to Brassiere Le Coze. my name is jean-pierre, and it is my pleasure to serve you this evening. may i recommend as a starter our coquilles St. Jacques a la provencale followed by our 1978 Beaujolais Nouveau from the Lyons vineyard. our main dish this evening is a moules a la creme normande.
the band stares at the man as if he's just asked which of them will be first to put their head in a lions mouth. nobody moves for about 3 or 4 panels. ricky is the first to speak up and break the silence:
ricky (jovially): yeah, that sounds good. we'll take five of those to go.
outside now, the band is walking out to a tour bus, because they're on tour. we only see the bus from the back, in all of it's red flashing tail lighted glory, for now. they each are carrying a plate of food, a napkin and silverware set, and a wine glass with a plastic top and straw attached to it.
ricky: ...i mean it's not like "to go" is a brand new innovation in the food service industry. he didn't have to be such a jerk!
the panel shifts and they're walking alongside the tour bus now, at the tail, we can just see the back of the thing still, but it's from the side. the words "RADIO CULT" are just visible in red and black letters on the side of the bus.
bambi: calm down, ricky. the way you're carrying on one would be inclined to think that you weren't on a national tour and rocking the faces off of the american people.
ruff: yeah, man. you gotta take face rocking into account in situations like that. rocking faces, y'know?
in the next panel, the whole side of the bus is visible and we can see that it says, "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, NOW ON TOUR!!!!" in bright, highlighted colors and letters, and in much much much smaller letters, towards the back of the bus it reads, "featuring radio cult (select dates only)".
ricky: yeah, i know. you're right. i should think about all the faces yet unrocked.
bambi (spirited): the unrocked faces, sure. that's one part of it. but don't forget that there's faces out there who have been insufficiently rocked. those poor faces who received only the slightest rocking. barely rocked enough to even be considered rocked. they deserve to be rocked--nay, need to be rocked.
ricky (mumbling): that guy needed me to rock his face with my foot.
they're filing in the bus now, we're still viewing from the outside, sideview of the bus.
bambi (we can only assume, because it's just a word bubble coming from the bus): here you are guys. the waiter--
jay jay (again, only an assumption): --maitre d'
bambi (assuming again): the mater dee said this stuff was supposed to be good. actually, his exact words were "zis is not mere food; zis is a rainbow seasoned with rays of light from ze sun! zis is unicorn meat slow roasted in dragon flame! if you even look at anything else on ze menu i will take it as a personal insult and--"
some other guy (it's one of the guys from the other band, but again, just a word bubble): yeah, sure, whatever. just leave it over there. kthxbye.
in the next panel it's still the outside of the bus, and radio cult is walking empty handed, having completed their delivery, in the opposite direction back towards where they came from.
ricky: you're right, bambi. i mean, here we are on a national tour with What Did You Expect, who's probably the biggest band in the country right now, and here i am upset because some crazy french waiter is overprotective of the food.
ruff: plus the face rocking, man.
ricky: right. and the face rocking.
now we're seeing the band all squeeze into a beat up old scooby-doo van (not actually the scooby-doo van, but a similar model) that is parked somewhere behind the super nice and state of the art tour van. the back and sides are plastered with stickers of bands and comics characters and maybe a politician or two.
ricky: i mean, we're living the life. everything is completely awesome right now. there is nothing wrong with this situation.
scene 2: going to meet the man (with the radio face)
splash page of the band's van driving all alone on a highway in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Dust trails from behind them as they pull off the road to stop and see if they can figure out where the heck they are. The utter lack of civilization and modern conventions like street lamps are replaced by natural light from the moon and stars. it's really quite beautiful, actually. or it would be if it was where they were supposed to be. on this page is where the artist/writer/inker/etc credits will go, as well as the title of the story (which is, "Radio Cult: Year Negative One").
text box: Radio Cult. Savagely awesome classic rock revivalist outfit. These two phrases are interchangeable. Our heroes are currently hitting the road with What Did You Expect, the post-emo-core ipod representatives of 17 million americans in girl pants. This is far from the band's first road gig, but what they don't know is they're about to go farther than ever before. Further? Farther.
bambi: seriously, dude, how do you lose a gigantic, brightly colored tour bus?
ricky (who is behind the wheel, therefore at fault): i must have made a wrong turn at albequerque.
bambi: i thought we were in ohio!
ruff: this isn't florida?
looking through the windshield we see ricky at the wheel and bambi in the passenger seat. they're both looking at a map that may or may not be of australia and upside down. in the next row back ruff and guitarist #2 are looking longingly out the windows. in the back row, by himself, jay jay is sitting in a very relaxed position and apparently sleeping.
jay jay (with his eyes closed): there's a man with a radio for a face in the road.
next panel is the opposite view, from jay jay's perspective of his bandmates in the front two rows looking back at him. from jay jay's--probably still closed--eyes we can see out the windshield to the road where a little ways off in the distance is, indeed, a very tall man--massive in fact--with a radio for a face.
ruff: ...
bambi (to ricky): is he talking in his sleep?
ricky (to jay jay): dude, are you talking in your sleep?
close(r) up on the car stereo, though we can still see bambi and ricky in the peripherals of the panel and radio face out the windshield in the distance.
car stereo: he does not speak from slumber, even as he speaks truth. return your wayward eyes to their rightful place on the road in front of you. there you will see what few in this dimension ever will.
ruff (now looking in the road): there's a man with a radio for a face in the road.
bambi (exasperated): now ruff is sleep-talking!
car stereo: you waste time and it is a matter of time itself which must be acted upon. for, while you ponder matters of no consequence the universe itself waits for--(towards the end the words fade out to a whisper, though not completely inaudible).
ricky, annoyed, reaches for the volume control on the car stereo and turns it down.
ricky: gah! too loud. can't think.
through the windshield we see radio face in a pose of outraged fury.
car stereo (in tiny, diminutive letters): you dare?!?!
a brilliant flash of light emanates from radio face, startling the band.
radio face (his voice no longer confined to the car stereo, and echoing across the empty highway): ENOUGH OF THIS FRIVOLITY!! WITNESS MY POWER FIRSTHAND AND KNOW THAT I AM INCAPABLE OF JEST!!!
he stretches a hand toward them and a beam of energy completely envelops the van. there is a loud POP sound followed by a quiet hiss.
ruff: what just happened?
bambi: is everyone ok?
ricky (finally noticing radio face and pointing at him): who's that guy?
outside, radio face has both his hands lifted to the sky in a gesture of grandeur and might. the quiet hissing continues.
radio face: IF YOU FEAR ME YOU ARE RIGHT TO DO SO!!
bambi: what's that sound? do you guys hear that?
ricky: are you telling me you don't hear him?
radio face: YOUR NATURAL RESPONSE WHEN FACED WITH SUCH POTENCY IS TO TREMBLE!
bambi sticks her head out the passenger side window and sees that the front tire is flat and has a smallish hole where it's burst outwards.
bambi: he popped our tire!
radio face: DOES MY DISPLAY OF MIGHT NOT FILL YOU WITH DREAD??
bambi: no! fix it, you jerk!
radio face (looking as apprehensive as his analog dialer allows): YOU CAN DO NOTHING HERE BUT PERISH!!
bambi is out of the car, marching angrily towards him while the others look on from the van. to everyone's astonishment she gives him a good kick in the shins.
radio face (shocked by her boldness): OW! YOU ARE AUDACIOUS, BUT IT IS TO YOUR OWN FOLLY!!
bambi kicks him again and stares him down hard.
radio face: ow, ow, OW, i said! jeez! right on the same spot, too...
bambi: fix it!
radio face: fine! here.
he waves a hand and light flashes again. there's another pop and more hissing. he's accidentally popped another tire. bambi is furious. now everyone is out of the van and standing (at a safe arm's length distance) around bambi.
radio face: wait! wait! hear me out! i came to seek your help!
ricky: help with what? we don't even know who you are.
radio face: my name is krrsshhzzssht. (radio static noise)
everyone (blank stares): ....
radio face: in the language of my people it means "he is vociferous and excessively so."
bambi: imagine that.
ricky: wait...language of your people? you speak static fuzz?
radio face: kind of. it's a long story. too much to get into now, but if enough people buy this issue we can cover it in the next one.
everyone (blank stares): ....
radio face: (sighs, under his breath) they don't even know they're in a comic book. (to them) look, the reason i came to you is that events in your past are endangering your present.
radio face: (sighs, under his breath) they don't even know they're in a comic book. (to them) look, the reason i came to you is that events in your past are endangering your present.
everyone (still): ....
during this speech is visual freak out time. radio face's words will be in text boxes while the camera shows us a page or two worth of images of his native world. imagine a race of radio faced beings doing things that radio faced beings do. if you've ever had an idea of what it would look like to be between dimensions or timelines then that would be what you would draw here. rips in the fabric of time showing alternate realities where john lennon is the pope, the sex pistols look like herman's hermits, sega is better than nintendo, etc.
radio face: you've got to be kidding me. ok, listen, i come from a race of beings who live between timelines. we can tune into the frequencies, what we call "channels", of all of the infinite possible timelines. there are those of us who are dedicated to monitoring the broadcasts and transmissions coming from each timeline. most of us, however, keep our dials on this one because of the music. specifically, your music.
bambi: our music...?
radio face: yes. your music. not yet, though. on your next album you will record a song that the entire world will sing. and a couple of songs that the entire world will sing except for some guy that nobody really likes anyways. he's kind of a jerk. well, no, not just kind of; he's TOTALLY a jerk and it's crazy how nobody else can see it. i mean come on! cyber akuma is such a cheating character! and who is even playing marvel vs. capcom anymore?!
we're back to their conversation in the road now.
jay jay (to nobody): marvel vs. capcom 2 is way better.
ruff (sympathetically): cyber akuma is pretty cheap...
radio face (really worked up): i know, right?! and he does this thing where he gets you in the corner and--UGH! it's the worst. the WORST. (composing himself) so yeah, anyways. you guys are getting ready to make some really great songs. well, you SHOULD be getting ready to make some really songs.
ricky: should...?
radio face: yeah, should. it seems that something or someone is trying to keep that from happening. there was a fairly significant temporal disturbance leading to a point about 20 years ago; coincidentally that happens to be right around the time of you guys' first gig together.
bambi: so how do we stop them?
radio face (non chalant): oh, it's too late for that now.
all (incredulous): WHAT?!
bambi: you seriously came from another dimension to tell us that somebody is messing with us and we can't do anything about it? dude, i hope you NEVER beat cyber akuma.
radio face: no, you didn't let me finish. what i was GOING to say is that right now--at this point in your timeline--there is nothing you can do. what I can do is send you back down this time line to where the disturbance showed up. that way you can find whoever is changing your history and stop them before it affects you now.
ricky: um, i have a question...
radio face (passionately): we must HURRY, ricky! time is short!
ruff (inspired): yeah!
ricky: yeah, see that's the thing that has me confused. if we're talking about time travel it shouldn't matter if we go back now or in 20 years. i mean, how come i don't remember meeting future me back then? and if someone has gone back to change our future, wouldn't our present already be--gah! (ricky grabs his head, staggered by sudden pain) what's...happening...pain!
radio face (with a sudden burst of self-importance): YOUR TINY MAN-MIND IS NOT FIT TO QUESTION THE WORKINGS OF THE TIME!!!!
bambi: dude, seriously, if you don't shut up and get with the time travel you've got another shin kick coming.
radio face (taking her threat seriously, but still too puffed up to be less boisterous): BEHOLD! THE VERY FABRIC OF TIME AND SPACE RENDS ITSELF AT MY GESTURE!!!! (he's making a dr. strange/jean grey hand waving motion)
a light encompasses the band and the van. another tire pops. bambi is livid, but before she can do more than make a mean face the band fades into a 60's psychedelic poster.
scene 3: times, they are a'changin'
in a flash of light (!!!) the band appears just as they were before.
bambi: fix it, you--oh.
a glistening, shiny, sparkling, brand new van, exactly the make and model and year as their dingy, dinged up, rusty one drives past. they're in the past, all right.
jay jay: we're in the past, all right.
ricky: hey, i remember this place!
a cloud shaped like the face of radio face speaks to them.
radio face: remember the principle rule of time travel: avoid contact with your past selves! the repercussions will be dire!
the band is standing in front of a large school building. in great big purple letters on the side of the building is the school's name: (make something up middle school). there's a sign on the grassy knoll in front, like all pop culture schools have, that says what's happening at the school. it reads: talent show today!
bambi (whispered, with a face of utmost terror): oh no.
inside the gym (because all talent shows have to be held in the gym) there is a stage set up with folding chairs arranged in rows and the stadium style bleachers on the sides. on the stage is a three piece band of pre teens looking conspicuously like nirvana, adorned in the classic flannel shirts tied around the waist and cargo shorts.
young curt cobain analog (with shaky musical notes surrounding his words): avocado! jalapeno! hot potato! janet reno! yeah!
ricky: come on, we're probably backstage right now.
bambi (nervously): um, yeah, about that...we should probably wait outside, you know?
they ignore her and rush past to the backstage area. it's loosely populated with magicians and ballerinas and random other "talented" individuals and groups. ruff is the first to spot the young version of themselves.
ruff (pointing): i recognize those faces. i'd know those faces anywhere!
young curt cobain analog (from stage, still with shaky notes): on my arm now! there's a stain there! here we are now! in our teen years! yeah!
scene 4: what did you expect? get it?
a little ways across the room we see three boys--obviously the young versions of ricky, ruff, and jay jay--huddled around a tallish, thin, red headed girl dressed in a cheerleader outfit with pom poms.
young bambi: i don't know guys, i have my routine all worked out and stuff!
watching from across the room, the guys' jaws are dropped.
ricky: oh. my. crap. i totally forgot you used to be a cheerleader chick.
bambi (face buried in hands): kill me now. please kill me now.
back to the young ones.
young ricky: tell you what! how about you do your same routine, except you sing our song while you do your moves? it'll be rad!
young bambi: well...i guess...
young ricky: it's settled, then! you're a life saver! i completely forgot i can't play bass AND sing at the same time yet.
young ruff: boy, would our faces have been red!
young jay jay: i really hope you get over this obsession with faces soon.
back to the grown up band.
ricky: something is missing.
bambi (in the background): my dignity?
ricky: we're a five piece. there's four there. i'm no mathemagician but that doesn't seem right.
splash page! this is an isometric view of the backstage area with the young and grown band on opposite sides of the room. on the left is the grown up band and on the right is the young band. in between is as many of the "talented" kids at the school. directly in the middle is a group of five boys and four grown ups who look a lot like them. one of the boys looks strikingly familiar. is that...guitarist #2? it is! what is he doing there? shouldn't he be with the young radio cult?
grown ruff (thumbing to the grownups in the middle): i recognize those faces.
grown ricky: you already said that.
grown bambi: the shame...it burns...
grown jay jay: oh hey, how'd they get here?
mystery man in the middle of the room (hand on shoulder of young guitarist #2): stick with this band, kid. they're gonna be big. believe it.
young bambi: so...what song are we singing?
young ricky: crap! i forgot you don't know the words!
young jay jay (to young bambi): just make something up. they can't hear you anyways.
young bambi: oh. ok!
the band in unison: IT'S YOU!
the mystery men in unison and posing dramatically, possibly with a power background: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?! (in a type matching the letters on the side of the tour bus)
bambi (to noone): wow. totally didn't see that one coming.
ricky: wait a minute! if you're here, then how can we be on tour with you in the future and--gah! (clutches his head in thought-pain)
mystery man #1: don't hurt yourself there, richard. it's very simple, really.
mystery man #2: indeed. we're stealing your guitar player. it was revealed to us that the secret of your power is in your double portion of guitar power. we knew it was too late to convince him to join us in our time; so we came here, to your very first show.
bambi: you can't do that!
ricky: yeah, what she said!
mystery man #1: too late, foolios! he's already made his choice. and we're performing next.
mystery men together: HAHAHA!
a voice from behind the cluster of bands young and old: WAIT!
they look back and pushing his way to the front of the pack, until he is standing directly face to face with his younger self, completely ignoring the prime directive of time travel, grown up guitarist #2 makes his presence known! has he been there the whole time? he has? really?
young guitarist #2 looks at him, puzzled. then he looks at the young members of what did you expect. silently a decision is made. he walks away from both bands and heads over to join the young radio cult.
mystery man #1: what just happened?
ricky: yeah, what he said.
guitarist #2 (with the weight and gravity you would give the egyptian sphinx at giza if he all of a sudden started singing bohemian rhapsody): i remembered this day being a turning point for me as a kid. i had forgotten how much of an impact these events had on the course of my life. trust me when i say that playing guitar in a classic rock band was the last thing i had in mind for myself. i was going to be an actor. on broadway. i wanted to play the globe theatre in london. i came here to this talent show to perform a scene from faust. and then i saw...myself. i saw my future. i saw what could be. there was the image standing before my eyes and the image standing just out of reach. i saw them both clearly. (pause, maybe a new panel) and i decided i look awesome in black and red stripes.
blank, awed stares from everyone in the room.
jay jay: it is a good look for you, man.
last page: full page of the young band rocking the faces off of the junior high school auditorium with the ghosts of their grown up selves behind them in their red, white, and black striped glory.
text box: and thus the legend of radio cult was born.
fin.
